Adios, 2010 Season

Hey A’s,

Well I woke up this morning to the sad realization that I will have to somehow survive the next 8 months without seeing your smiling faces every Thursday as we gloriously battle our way towards Congressional Softball League infamy. Despite the consolation that the impending football season brings to me, I will really miss playing with everyone. Each season has its own character and its own feel, and I must say this team was a hell of a lot of fun to be a part of. I enjoyed every minute of this season, even when I would screw up a hit and mutter expletives on my way down the first base line. Thank you all for playing with such dedication, for dealing
with the arduous task of following my deluge of long-winded emails, and for representing the First Effing Amendments in a most honorable fashion. I hope you all come out next season and recruit even more Effing A’s to join the fracas.

Last night’s game against the Freedom Ticklers went better than our previous outing against the Triskellions, but we unfortunately fell victim to the Ticklin. We produced runs steadily throughout the game, but a couple of good innings by the Ticklers made the difference. Eric “the Flash” Hoffman started us out strong with one of his 3 hits, earning a single that turned into a RBI for Brian “I Hit triples all day” Patterson (the SMVP). Solid pitching by Lucas Strasburg proved effective through the first few frames but as the booze was imbibed the defense maybe lost half a step and the Ticklers had a couple of huge innings in the middle of the game. With a bit of small-ball we were able to chip away at the Ticklers’ lead; single after single was lobbed into the outfield before MVP Alex Moore started belting home runs across the Reflecting Pool (2 of them). As the daylight dwindled with the sun setting on the A’s season, Alex also came through with a tremendous play in left field to stop the bleeding, but the damage had been done. In 4 and a half innings, we lost by about 5-10 runs. Honestly, I lost count. Our final record for the season is an impressive 9-7, the best in the history of the A’s (and sometimes enough to make the playoffs in the NFL). Thanks to everyone who helped make this season such a success.

For my final scheduling act of the season, I would like to set up a happy hour for all As, A family, and A friends. I’m thinking the week after next might be best for it since we’ve got a few people out of town. Please let me know which day(s) you’d be available for a happy hour on the weeks of September 13 and 20. And I’m open to suggestions on where to go as well.

Well that’s it.

As always,
Effing A,
Skip

Ugh.

Hey A’s,

I’m not even going to try to sugarcoat last night’s routing. We got our butts kicked. Among
the few bright spots was the play of team MVP Emily “Ichiro” Garber, who batted 1.000 with
3 singles and one of our very few RBIs. We struggled a bit on defense, but hey that’s bound to
happen sooner or later. No one did particularly bad, but we didn’t do particularly good either,
and the Triskellions ran away with the game in what could have been the biggest 2-out rally
in human history in the 3rd inning. Thankfully, we have one last shot at redemption, one more
chance to leave this season on a high note.

We square off against the Freedom Ticklers on Thursday of next week. I believe I may have
told some of you it was on Wednesday but I was wrong; sorry about that. This is the last game
of the season, so I expect to see everyone out there. Please let me know if you can make it to
the game. And so you know, I’ve about exhausted the team fund for alcohol so I will be asking
participants of next week’s game to contribute $3-5, or whatever you can muster, to help pay for
the beers. So keep that in mind. The game will be around 6:30, somewhere on the mall TBD. I
will of course circulate the field location once we have it.

That’s it for now A’s. Hope you all have a nice weekend.

Effing A,

Skip

Struggling for Players

Hey A’s,

It is unfortunately that time of year again, the time every softball manager dreads, when his crop
of fresh young legs (aka law clerks) have left for the summer and only the true stalwarts remain
to form the core of a previously-dominant squad. Following the departure of the majority of our
team, I am finding it exceedingly difficult to pull together enough people to field a team for the
remaining games we have. So I implore you to please, please come out, even if for only one
game this season, to join in the effing splendor of A’s baseball. Bring your friends, your family,
your coworkers, that creepy guy who leers at you in your apartment building lobby, heck even an
athletic dog that can field a fly ball would be useful. Just please help me find some bodies so I
don’t have to hang my head in shame as we forfeit away the end of a great season.

So I really need some players for tomorrow. Get out there and the spread the word, and please
let me know asap if you’re able to conjure up any additional help for us. If we don’t have a
squad by midday tomorrow I’m going to need to forfeit, so that’s your time frame. Thanks!

Effing A,

Skip

2 Games Next Week

Hey A’s,

I don’t know about all of you but I always look forward to getting back out on the field for some
effing action after a rainout. So if you’re anything like me, you’re in luck because we’ve got
two, count ‘em TWO, games next week. On Tuesday we face off against the Third Rail, of the
American Public Transit Association. Then on Thursday we take on the Triskellions, resuming a
decades-old rivalry that has swung in both directions in past years (including one really bloody
French nose). The games will be around 6:30 or so and probably on the mall. So please let me
know which game(s) you can make it to. Our season is winding down folks; this is actually our
second-to-last week. So if you’re one of those people who’s been putting this off all summer,
now is the best time for you to come out and get in a little softball before the season ends.

OK, let me know. And have a nice weekend.

Effing A,

Skip

Wow! What a Game!

Mornin’ A’s!

Fantastic game last night. Really, you all played like the AL all star team in MLB 99. It’s a
shame we had to end that one in a tie, but that was certainly an amazing effing effort displayed
by all.

For those who missed it, this might have been the game of the season, thrill-wise. After jumping
out to an early 5-3 lead, the fightin GPOers had a few big innings to take a daunting lead at
11-6. Going into the 6th, it looked as though this one had gotten away from the A’s. But with
blazing guns from the bullpen John “I disappear when it’s my turn to bat” Hardenbergh and Ian
Thompson, the defense held solid. It was up to the offense to pull this one out.

The A’s were still in a hole, and a deep one at that with a 4-run deficit heading into the last
inning. We were just hitting the meat of the lineup, with Jeremy “gloves” Caverly leading off.
After brutally mauling the ball on a rope up the middle, the A’s were flabbergasted when the
catch of the game, nay the catch of the season, was made by GPO’s jerk shortstop. Now with
one out and no one on, the prospects weren’t looking good for a rally.

But no one told that to Will Smith, who perfectly placed his 3rd home run of the game into 14th
street traffic. He was followed by Matt Allee, who got on base and was driven home by yours
truly. Sandy Fulton knocked skip in with a huge single, and a wayward throw by the GPO on the
next play got her across. The A’s had tied the game, and all was right in the world.

Except, the GPO had to bat. So the A’s took the field under the lights to try to hold them off.
Closer Jeremy Goldberg was brought in for the save. Matt “I make every out in the infield”
Allee had two beautiful plays at SS to quickly put GPO down 2 outs. But a blistering groundball
that took a bad hop made it past skip at third, and the GPO all of a sudden had a runner in
scoring position with the chance for a walkoff. But lights-out pitching from Jeremy iced the
GPO’s skip as he grounded out to (where else) shortstop to end the inning. Because it was
nearly pitch black outside at that point, we had to make the tough call to end the game in a tie.

So. Here we are, with a tie in our second-to-last game, still sitting on that .500 record. We’ve
got a chance to make history next week when we take on the Third Rail in a rematch of the
game we were supposed to play yesterday. Let’s go out with a bang and end this season a game
above .500

The game next week will be on Wednesday night, usual starting time. I don’t know about a field
yet but we will shoot for the vicinity of our home field on 15th and Constitution. I hope to see
everyone out there. Even if you don’t want to play, and if you’ve been telling yourself or me all
season you’ll make it out, just come on out, share a beer, and cheer on the A’s. Let me know if
you can make it

Speaking of, I could use a beer volunteer for next week. If I don’t get one, we can just do the
same thing we did this week, and I’ll ask you each to bring a few ones to help defray the costs.
But if someone who hasn’t bought before would like to step up, please let me know

And we would like to do a happy hour next week as well to celebrate our wonderful season,
probably on Friday. Other options would be Thursday or Monday. Please let me know which of
those days would be best for you, and we’ll try to get out on a night when most folks can make
it. Also – we don’t have a set place in mind, so if you’ve got a suggestion for a fun/cheap/both
happy hour spot, I’d like to hear it.

That’s it for now. Great game, and I hope you can all make it out next week. Have a good one

Effing A,

Skip

A Close One

Well you can’t win them all, unfortunately, unless you happen to be the ’72 Dolphins, but that’s
a different story. The story I’m going to tell, or sparsely glance over, is the story of the A’s
valiant gameplay being thwarted by the likes of the Free Agents last night. After the Repubs
feebly backed out of last night’s game, we ended up in a game against a group of ringers that
proved just a bit too difficult for us to combat. We played really well though, with consistent
production from all spots in the lineup, solid defensive play all around, and our usual sense of
beer-fueled bravado. Eric “The Rocket” Hoffman started off strong on the mound, holding the
agents to only 4 runs in the first 4 innings, including two 3-up, 3-down frames. On the opposite
side, the A’s played mostly small ball besides Wes’ towering home run that landed on the roof
of the American History Museum (I’m pretty sure…) and effectively punched a few runs across
on some base hits to be sitting pretty with a 5-4 lead heading into the top of the 5th. But from
there it was largely downhill as the defense collapsed in the top frame, letting the Agents put an
incredible 8 runs across to take a commanding lead into the late innings, when they finally also
decided to start playing some defense against us. Though we were able to regain our form after
the barrage, the damage had been done as we weren’t quite able to surmount the lead the agents
had built. After two more innings the A’s suffered their 5th loss of the season, 14-8. The game’s
MVP was Scott “Ichiro” Sanderson, who had 3 singles on the day and a huge RBI when things
were looking awfully bleak for the A’s. But everyone played really well, despite the score, so
thank you all for coming out (yes, that implies that had you stunk, I wouldn’t be thanking you).
Great game!

Next week we continue on our march to glory in our historic season as we face off against the
A Team, of the Avescent Group, on Wednesday. Game will be around 6:30, somewhere on the
mall in the general vicinity of where we always play. More details will follow once we have the
field secured. Please let me know if you plan on playing.

That’s it for now folks. Have a nice weekend, and I hope to see you all next week

Effing A,

Skip

2010 A's Team Photo

Here's our first and only photo (so far at least) of the 2010 season, taken after our victory over VA is for Lovers

A Fitting Tribute

Hey A’s,

It’s a sad morning in A-ville today. We just played our last full-squad game of the season,
sending our summer law clerks off in dramatic fashion with a narrow victory over V.A. is for
Lovers (Dept. of Veterans’ Affairs). It was a beautiful night for a game that turned out to be
one of the closest and most fun contests we’ve had all year. Playing in the imposing shadow
of the giant white obelisk, the A’s looked strong right from the start. Scott led us off with a
single that turned into a RBI for Justin Casson on his first homer of the day. Two more batters
followed suit, as Thomas and Alex Moore promptly got themselves on base and were driven in
by “Mr. Base Hit” Bhargav. The A’s were up four going into the bottom half of the first inning,
when the Lovers started to get some action. But the defense held them scoreless behind Lucas
Strasburg’s strong start. Our small-ball game was in full swing in the second inning, which saw
five consecutive singles, netting us another run. One more shut-down performance by Strasburg
preceded Thomas’s final and most epic home run of the season, and the A’s were sitting pretty
with a 6-0 lead heading into the bottom of the third. Then things started to get a bit dicey.

Our defense was moderately respectable in the 3rd, only allowing two runs on a few hits given
up by MVP Dan “Jim Abbott Jr.” LaSalle. As the air started to cool with the submission of the
sun, Bhargav and Lucas scored for us in the top of the 4th and by this point, with the game at 8-
2 we thought we had a victory in hand. But we were really getting ahead of ourselves because
the Lovers finally found a few holes in the formidable A’s defense and plated a whopping 8
runs in the bottom frame to take the lead. All the hitting practice the bottom half of the order
had been taking began to pay off in the 5th as we were able to produce four more runs, two
on Justin’s second homerun of the day, to recapture the lead at 12-10. From then on, it was
lights-out pitching from both our MVP, who had the first-ever 3-pitch inning in league history
(featuring a line drive that nearly decapitated your beloved skip) and Lucas “I’m my own best
reliever” Tanglen who held the Lovers scoreless for the last few frames to allow the A’s to leave
victorious. But it definitely came right down to the wire, as the game’s only double play was
made on the last two outs, in a ridiculous catch-and-throw across the entire field by Justin to save
the day. It was a great game all-around though and if I had 15 MVP beers you all would have
gotten one.

I want to again thank the law clerks, and really everyone, who have come out this season and
made it the blast that it’s been. I really truly enjoyed every minute of playing with you all this
season, in leading the A’s to what is undoubtedly their best record ever. We made it to 9-4 so far
(with a few games to go), a full 5 games above .500, for a .692 winning percentage. You have
all played spectacularly this season and you will be dearly missed. We are actually #19 overall
in the standings right now out of 98 teams. There aren’t twenty teams in this town that could
beat us, Nats included. We far surpassed my expectations, and I can only hope that we have half
as much fun next season as we did this year.

I will wrap it up on that note. We’ve got a game next Thursday against the DOJ, so as always,
shoot me an email if you’re in. Have a nice weekend, A’s.

Effing A,

Skip

A Victory of Epic Proportions

Morning A’s,

Well that sure was a tremendous game last night! As the A’s trickled into the dugout on the mall
between 5:30 and 6:30, it didn’t even look much like we were going to have a game. The Reds
were sparse at best, despite the manager’s repeated claims that “a few more are on their way,”
so the A’s set down to what they do best; drinking. As one beer turned into two then three, the
rest of the Reds finally decided to show up around 7, at which point the nearly-worn out A’s
trudged out to take the field. That first inning wasn’t exactly what I’d call pretty. By their count,
the Reds somehow only scored 9 runs, but I’m fairly certain it was at least double that. To the
casual fan, the A’s might have seemed dead in the water at this point, but this is a team that never
loses hope (because it’s OUR TIME). Rabbi Scott and Sandy “The Dominator” Fulton led off
the game with some clutch base hits, which were followed by the only hit Thomas had on the
day that wasn’t a homerun. MVP Theresa “Tagging is for Wimps” Chalhoub came up next and
punched in two RBIs with a big single, and even though we struggled through the rest of the
inning, the A’s had caught the spark they needed. Building on that momentum, a solid defensive
effort by the A’s behind Lucas Strasburg held the Reds to only 3 runs in the top half of the next
inning. Then it was on.

Boy did we start hitting. Giving himself some run support, Strasburg led off the inning with a
single and was promptly driven in by Chris Calabrese (with the help of some aggressive base
running). Wild Wild Wes was up next, and got on base to be driven in with a 3-run shot by
the skip. Then with two outs the Dominator and Dan LaSalle kept the rally going with singles,
followed by Thomas’s first homer of the day to dead center field, sending screaming tourists
fleeing in every direction. Following two more singles, Alex “the FoE Loaner” Moore came
through with our third 3-run blast of the inning. At that point, the A’s relented because we
felt bad and wanted to give the Reds a chance to bat. Though the defense seemed a bit more
porous than the inning before, the A’s held the Reds to a manageable 7 runs in the following
frame, and came back up to the plate starting at the same spot in the lineup that had given us our
previous rally. In Act II, we one-upped ourselves (literally) as we put 11 runs across the plate,
having more than batted around, on 11 hits (including Thomas’ second home run of the day,
this one a towering bomb to right field that sailed over the hapless redhead they left out there);
Lucas scored twice himself. At this point, the A’s were sitting pretty with a five-run lead as the
daylight was dwindling and the Reds were falling victim to pulled muscles and abashed egos.
Though the Reds only managed to put 4 across in the next frame, they graciously agreed to allow
us to bat out the bottom of the 4th, which, unfortunately for them, turned out to be their strongest
defensive inning of the game. After Thomas’ third and final homerun of the day, this one to left
(thus completing his cycle of homeruns), the Reds succumbed to the A’s in the biggest comeback
in Congressional Softball League history.* When all was said and done, the slugfest ended with
a score of 26-23 in the A’s favor. We’re now officially 2 games above .500! We’re 7-5-1 on
the season, but really that’s 8-4. Everyone had a great game, and I thank you all for coming out,
especially the cheerleaders (who still owe us a dance).

But unfortunately all good things must come to an end. And it’s looking like that end is fast
approaching as next week will be the last game for a lot of the law clerks. I want to let you all
know now that if you happen to be in DC after your time here is done, you are by all means

more than welcome to continue to play with us. For next week’s game, we square off against
the department of Veterans’ Affairs, VA is for Lovers. As far as I know, they have a permit
for a field right in the shadow of the Washington monument (roughly at the green arrow if you
paste this into google maps: 38.890515,-77.037828). The game should start around 6:30. Or just
whenever you all get there since I don’t think we’ve started at 6:30 once this season. Please let
me know if you can make it.

Adios for now, A’s

*note: this is completely unverified and most likely false

Effing A,

Skip

A Sad, Soggy Story

Hey A’s,

Well. We uh had a tough one last night. Even before the rain started, the outlook wasn’t too
pretty for the A’s; while we struggled to produce at the plate in the early innings, the Bears
of Grunley more than lived up to their hype. We were hitting well too; we got some runners
on base, but the Bears were, unfortunately for us, as spectacular on defense as they were on
offense. A running, diving catch by their right fielder helped them narrowly escape the first
inning with no runs scored against them, effectively killing our momentum. Though we
held them scoreless in a quick second inning, which included a fantastic, falling-backward,
barehanded catch by Mangesh, we again failed to manufacture much offense and remained down
by five heading into the third. Then the rain started.

At first it wasn’t so bad – just a little sprinkling, but then the clouds started to turn, as did the
fate of the A’s, in an ominous direction. As tourists smartly fled the Vietnam Memorial, the A’s
rallied on. Well maybe rally isn’t quite the right word, but we certainly forged ahead with the
game. The pompous Bears tried to offer us an out with the “Mercy Rule,” but, true to our effing
dedicated selves, we soldiered on into the 4th. The Bears’ hitting saw a noticeable decline as the
rain continued to pick up and field conditions went from sort of damp to downright slippery.
Thunder, lightning, rain and wind were assailing the A’s from all sides, but we wouldn’t quit.
MVP Chesa Boudin led off the next inning with a moon shot down the third base line that
netted a triple, and with it, a glimmer of hope. But the elements had really taken their toll as
Justin “Watch my hammer throw impression” Casson nearly decapitated the third baseman. At
that point, the Bears sheepishly backed their way out of the game with a half-victory. As they
fled in fear of the First Effing Amendments, a few A’s stuck around to help polish off the beers.
By this point, we were all fairly well soaked, so we assumed it couldn’t really get much worse.
While I can’t exactly speak for the folks who trekked over to the metro, I do know that we got
caught in about the most impressive rainstorm I’ve seen in a long time. Torrents of buckets
of rain poured down in a matter of seconds, immediately flooding everything in sight. After
walking through a mud pit to find Constitution Avenue and standing in an ankle-deep river at
the corner of 20th street, a handful of us somehow found my car and then found our way over to
the post pub, where we rung ourselves out and finished the evening. My seats were still soaked
this morning, which was a great thing for me to forget as I hopped in my car on the way to work
today. So I’m now going on about 18 consecutive hours of being damp.

So A’s, I just want to thank everyone for being such troopers last night. I know it got a little
hairy out there, but I really appreciate everyone coming out and sticking with it. I hope that
spirit carries over into tomorrow, when we finally have the chance to make up for our first
rainout of the season as we play the NonPros, of the Dept of Energy (Non-Proliferation section).
The game will be at 6:30ish on the mall; we’ll probably be scouting the field so I imagine
we’ll be somewhere near 15th and Constitution. Please let me know if you plan on playing.
Hopefully, this game should be a bit easier for us than last night’s ordeal.

That’s all, folks

Effing A,

Skip

A Thorough Trouncing

Morning A’s,

What a beautiful day it is! The sun is shining in celebration of the First Effing Amendments’
first official blowout of the season, as we rolled over the DC N8IVs in the shadow of the White
House. Even the 275% humidity couldn’t keep the A’s from playing to their utmost potential.
After a rough first inning that saw the A’s go scoreless for the first time this season, things
weren’t looking too good for us, especially as the N8IVs exposed some gaps along our baselines
to punch two across in the bottom half. Thankfully for the A’s, MVP Justin “I hit everything
in sight” Casson led off the second inning with a titanic home run that started to swing the
momentum back to our side, where it would remain for the rest of the game. Following a
much better defensive inning, the A’s batted around, plus a few in the 3rd as we hit at least 3
consecutive ground-rule doubles (which probably would have been home runs, had there not
been a big stupid tree in center field). But the Natives were a scrappy bunch and combined some
stellar defense with small-ball on offense to tie the game up heading into the 5 th frame. We
were back at the top of the order, and after two quick outs the meat of the lineup all scored on
Justin’s second home run of the day. In relief for Strasburg Jr., Bhargav fed the N8IVs a steady
diet of knucklers and spitballs to silence their bats, and despite some shoddy first base play (my
bad) the A’s held their lead. We batted around again, two more times actually, in both the sixth
and seventh innings to really put the “nail in the coffin” (Gotta love NBA Jam). We had just
awesome production up and down our lineup; 6 of us scored 3 runs and 2 of us scored 4; eight
of us were above .500 on the day. So I want to thank everyone for taking the time to hit the
batting cages this past week; it clearly paid off. When the onslaught was over and the dust had
settled, the A’s rode off into the sunset (a/k/a Harry’s) with our biggest victory of the season, a
whopping 27-15. We now stand at (officially) 5-4-1 (really though it’s 6-3) on the year. Great
game, A’s.

So now we must ride that momentum into one of the biggest weeks of the season as we have two
games next week, on Tuesday and Thursday. On Tuesday, we will try to fend off the ferocious
Grunley Bears, of the Grunley Construction Company. The Gruns pretty much handed us our
heads last season in a game that ended with a score somewhere in the vicinity of 135-2. So it’s
payback time for the First Effing Amendments. Then on Thursday we have a makeup game for
one that got rained out earlier in the season as we take on the Non-Pros, from the Department of
Energy (Non-Proliferation section), which should be a cake walk compared to our fight against
the Bears. Games will be on the mall, 6:30ish, exact locations TBA (but probably not with
GPS coordinates because I have NO clue how he did that). Please let me know which game(s)
you would be able to attend. And if anyone would like to sponsor beverages, I would love you
unconditionally forever (well even more than I already do).

That’s it for now A’s. Hit the ice tub and rest up those sore muscles because next week is a
biggie.

Effing A,

Skip

A Tough Loss

Hi A’s,

Boy we’ve got to stop playing at that field at 20th and Constitution. I think we’re 0-4 there
over the past 3 seasons. First it was the All-Vols handing us our heads every season. But
yesterday, despite a valiant effort by the First Effing Amendments, we were felled by the Rakers
of Muck. The A’s once again started to light up the scoreboard early, batting completely around
in the first inning and driving a whopping nine (NINE!) runs across the plate, including the
first grand slam of the season. Those mucksters were begging for mercy at the end of that
first inning. Unfortunately though for the A’s, our first-inning production accounted for more
than half the runs we’d score the entire game. MVP Corey “I’m even faster with my shoes
on” Lewin started off the second with a home run that nearly crossed Constitution Ave, but the
A’s struggled mightily afterwards, only putting one more runner across the plate over the next
3 frames. Despite some very solid defensive play from the likes of Theresa “The next Bryce
Harper” Chalhoub behind the plate, newcomers Mangesh and Emily, and our dear FoE friends,
the ringers on the muckrakers were just a little too much to handle. The mucks had consistent
offensive production, primarily from Jimmy Rollins’ brother who was playing shortstop, and
solidified their D (again, primarily from Mr. Rollins) to hold off the A’s through seven innings,
with the final tally coming in at 20-15 following a late-game rally that plated 3 A’s in the top of
the 7th. We have again dropped to the .500 mark on the season, with an overall record of 4-4-1,
but it will only be a temporary stay as we’re going back to battle next week, against the Stars and
Strikes (of the Senate Armed Services Committee).

As you probably imagined, the game will be somewhere on the mall, but a final location has
yet to be determined. I will inform everyone as soon as we figure that out. It will start around
6:30pm. Please let me know if you’d like to play. Also, if anyone could volunteer to supply
beers for the game, that would be great. For those of you who ordered a jersey, they should be in
by then, and I’ll bring them to the game with me.

That’s all, folks. Have a nice holiday weekend, and try not to blow off any fingers or anything.

Effing A,

Skip

A Narrow Victory

Good Morning A’s,

We had another excellent game last night as we fended off the relentless attacks of the Primos.
Though the day was triple-digit hot and despite some portentous-looking clouds that ruminated
over the mall before the ceremonial first pitch thrown out by President Barack Obama (note:
President Obama couldn’t make it due to a last-minute engagement with Dmitri Medvedev
so he asked Lucas to take the honor in his place), by game time the softball gods complied
with skip’s prayers to give us a break in the weather. The A’s started out in our typical strong
effing fashion, taking a commanding 6-0 lead in the early innings. The bats were cracking left
and right for the A’s, while a strong defensive showing helped Lucas “I shut ‘em down like
Strasburg” Tanglen carry his no-no through 3 full innings. The Primos surged back with a big
4-run inning to bring the game closer, as the sun and suds started to take their toll. But the
A’s remained strong in the face of adversity as we consistently produced a few runs in each of
the following innings. The Primos weren’t done there, no sir, not by a long shot. They began
to exploit some holes on the left side of the infield (sorry about that) and rallied for a 7-run
performance to tie the game in the top of the 6th. But the A’s held their ground, driving 3 more
across the plate in the bottom of the inning to seal the deal. After one more half-inning of rock
solid D, the A’s walked away victorious yet again. The game’s runner-up MVP was Thomas
Earnest, who had a Pujols-like day at the plate, batting .750 with two home runs, a double, 4
RBIs and 3 runs scored. The MVP award however went to “One Night Only” Wes, whose trusty
glove at first base saved innumerable throwing errors while he batted 1.000 for the game and had
a tide-turning homer following the Primos’ first rally. We now stand at 4-3-1, and we all know
that one of those losses and the tie are basically throwaways, so we’re doing pretty darn good so
far.

Next week we suit up against the Muckrakers, from the Center for Public Integrity. I don’t have
a good scouting report on their team, so let’s say they’re a bunch of puny wimps who are going
to get crushed by an onslaught of effing A power. Yeah I like that. We’re scheduled to play
them on Thursday, July 1. The game will be somewhere on the mall, sometime around 6:30pm,
and I will probably spam you with a few more emails between now and then to give you more
details. But if you already know you want to come (and who doesn’t?), please let me know.

That’s it for now A’s. Thanks to everyone who came out last night for a great match, and I hope
to see a bunch of you out there next week as we continue our glorious ride through the 2010
season.

Effing A,

Skip

Can't Win 'Em All

Hey A's,

Well I suppose it was bound to happen. The A's were unfortunately handed their first major
loss of the season in our home opener last night against the Microsoft Bada-Bings. Far from the
frail, dweeby squad we all imagined, the Bings turned out to be a monstrous team of hulking
behemoth ogres who all also happened to moonlight as minor-league all-star fielders. Oh well.
The A's played more than formidably against their foes, however, on both sides of the ball.
Stellar short outfield play by Kelly Trout, who was nursing a pulled hammy all night, earned
MVP honors for the game. Matt "I'm a jerk and I'm not going to play softball anymore" Allee
(seriously though, we're really going to miss you) and Corey "only losers wear shoes" Lewin
were also nominated for web gems, both on spectacular diving catches. After stranding a few
base runners in the early innings and struggling with the Bings' knuckle-baller, the A's picked up
their hitting game towards the end. Despite some ridiculous defensive plays by the Bings, the
A's were able to force a few across the plate as the innings wore on. James Owens came through
with a monstrous homer in the bottom of the 7th to keep the A's rally alive, but alas it was not
enough as we fell to 3-3-1 in a 21-7 defeat. Many thanks to Katherine Malone for making her
A's debut, and to Sia Seifi who was in town for a one-night-only performance.

So onward and upward, right? We've got a few days off for everyone to hit the ice tubs before
we engage in our next battle, against the Udall Udall Primos (who are affiliated with both Udall
offices) next Thursday, June 24th. As always, I ask that you please let me know if you can make
it, and I'll probably ask again at least once before the game. Also, if anyone could help with field
scouting next week (meaning if you could take off or send someone sometime before 5pm), I'd
appreciate it.

That's it for now A's. Have a nice week and weekend, and I hope to see you all out there for our
next game.

Effing A,

Skip

Effing A's Cruise to Another Victory

Morning A’s,

Well that sure was a fun one last night! After having to trek back and forth across the mall
trying to fight off tourists and rogue field-claiming interns, we finally wound up playing in the
southerly portion of the Washington Monument’s plaza. Though the game was a constant uphill
battle, literally, the Effing A’s demonstrated their fortitude and defensive prowess once again.
A dominant pitching performance by Lucas “Strasburg Jr.” Tanglen earned MVP honors, but
he couldn’t have done it without an excellent, and massive, supporting cast. We had strong
offensive production throughout the lineup, and everyone was getting into the mix. Many thanks
to Eric for sacrificing his shin bones to save a group of tourists, and to all the FoE folks and other
new faces (Alex, Bhagrav, am I missing anyone?) who came out last night. After five innings of
concert-shortened play, the A’s emerged with a 13-12 victory over the loathsome Dinhs. This
vaulted us up to #23 in the rankings, out of 94 teams (an increase of 13 spots)! This could very
well be the highest the A’s have ever been ranked, but all it really means is that there are 22
squads standing in the way of the best season ever, ever. (PS: for rankings, click here)

Next week we square off against the #12 team in the league, the Bada-Bings of Microsoft. We
play on Tuesday, probably around 6:30pm, probably somewhere near the monument on the
mall. I won’t know an exact field location until Tuesday afternoon, but as always I’ll try my best
to circulate it via email and you can always text or call me for directions. Please let me know if
you plan on coming to that game.

That’s about it for now A’s. Thanks again for coming out last night, hope you have a good
weekend, and I hope to see a bunch of you out next week.

Effing A,

Skip

Another Victory! (sorta.)

Mornin A’s!

What a great game yesterday! Playing under a benevolent cloud cover and in the midst of a
Biblical-plague sized swarm of bugs, the First Effing Amendments fought valiantly against I’d
Hit That to come from behind in the last inning and pull out a 14-13 victory. Unfortunately,
even after reaching down into the farm system and pulling prospects from the WLO legal intern
team, we couldn’t produce enough female players for the game so it will officially be scored as
a tie (many thanks to Chelsea of the opposing squad for pulling a Benedict Arnold and playing
with us). Everyone who was there knows it was a well-fought, see-saw battle between two very
evenly matched squads. The MVP of the game was Chesa Boudin, who covered a good 10 miles
running around out in left field, bailing out Mike’s poor pitching time and time again. But we
had strong production up and down the lineup, even though our intrepid right fielder Theresa
Shaloub fell victim to a muddy basepath and had to be placed on the DL. It was a great game all
around, and I’m happy to know we actually won, even if it won’t be scored that way.

So now we move into the thick of the season, with two games next week, on Tuesday and
Thursday. On Tuesday we play the not-very-cleverly-named Lions for Climate Protection (of
the Alliance for Climate Protection), and on Thursday we play the Hitmen (not sure who they’re
affiliated with). Both games will start around 6:30pm, and we don’t have fields reserved. So
that means I will A) be eternally grateful to anyone, including interns, who could help me scout
a field and possibly leave earlier than 5pm to do so; and B) be letting you all know via email
sometime Tuesday and Thursday afternoon where the games will be played.

If you can make it out to one or both games, please let me know (with some sort of
affirmative in an email). Also – I need a beer sponsor for Thursday’s game. Perks of
sponsorship include: everyone gets to drink. Sorry, we stopped offering advertisement spots last
season. If you’ve already paid me for your jersey, I’ll bring it with my to whatever game(s) you
can make it to. If you haven’t paid me for your jersey, well, shame on you. Same goes for the
registration fee.

That’s it for now A’s. Try to not put yourselves in too much of a food coma over the holiday
weekend, because on Tuesday we’ve got some Lions to tame! (sorry, I know I’m lame. Just had
to get that in there though)

Effing A,

Skip

2010 Schedule Has Been Effing Set.

Yo,

What’s up, As? Skip here. I just wanted to let everyone know that we now have our 2010
Softball season schedule set! I jumped on some early email interaction and got us set up early
for the season. We’ve got some great games coming up – a few grudge matches from last
season interspersed with a nice mix of new faces. But regardless of whether we’ve played
them before or not, we’ve now got a bunch of new enemies to beat up on this season. I did my
best to schedule games on Tuesdays and Thursdays wherever possible, but we move into a few
Wednesday games near the end of the season. There are only 3 weeks where we’ve got two
games, so I expect all of you there for those (and two of those have unconfirmed games, so we
may only have 1 those weeks). In all, we’ve got 20 games scheduled and 2 unconfirmed games.
If you know of any games now that you definitely can’t make, please let me know so I can try to
plan accordingly.

The weeks in which we have 2 games are highlighted on the left-hand side. If this chart doesn’t
make sense, please let me know. Highlights of the 2010 season will include games against The
One-Hitters, Dinh & Tonic, Both the DNC and RNC, and rematches with the Bears of Grunley
and the Triskellions. It’s looking to be an awesome year for softball kiddos. Please go forth and
preach the gospel of First Effing Amendment softball, and encourage your friends/families/loved
ones/enemies who happen to take steroids to come out and play.

Also – if you want a jersey, you should contact me asap. Going to be ordering them soon, by the
end of next week at the latest.

Next up – practices! Yeah! As you’ll see below, I have tentatively scheduled 3 practices before
we start with our first game on Thursday, August 29. I’m hoping to go Tuesday and Thursday,
starting next week. Practice will be rather informal, just a little bit of work to get us back into
game shape. But please come out and enjoy it with me!

Finally, I need some money from most of you. Pretty much all of you. Please come find me
with that. Thanks!

That’s it for now, A’s. Let me know your thoughts if you have any, and I’ll see you next
Tuesday for practice, right after work at our home field on 15th & Constitution.

First Effing Amendments Softball 2010

Hey Everybody,

Thank you very much to everyone who responded to my harassments; we had enough people for
a squad and I just went and signed us up. So we’re official!

I know a lot of you still haven’t made a firm decision on playing yet and that’s fine. Just let
me know if you want to come out and play at any point during the season. We always pick up
stragglers halfway through to restock the farm system.

First order of business: my grand plan for recouping the team fee. I’d like to ask everyone who
plans on playing regularly to give me $20 for the registration, and folks who plan on playing
only a couple games (3 or more), $10. If anyone strongly objects to this, please let me know. I
just figured this was the best way to balance out the fee and not have anyone have to contribute
too much. So if you could maybe run that by my desk (those of you who work here), that would
be great; otherwise I’ll nag you at practice and games.

So we will also be ordering jerseys sometime soon. They will be of the same beautiful design
and hand-crafted materials as last year’s model (unless someone gives me something better to
work with – I may be many things but fashion designer is not one of them). If you would like
a jersey, please let me know the name and number you’d like on it, and the size. The sizes tend
to run a little on the small side, especially after a trip through the wash, so keep that in mind. I
anticipate the cost per shirt coming in anywhere between $20-25. I won’t submit the order for
another 2 weeks or so, so you have until then to get your order in to me.

And now, for the part you’ve all been waiting for: Practice! (“We talkin’ bout practice?”) Darn
right we are. Now I’m sure all of you are natural ringers, but ringers need practice too. You
gotta get those arms and legs in game shape! I would like to have our first practice on Tuesday,
April 20th. Since a lot of you will probably have better plans that day, let’s set Wednesday aside
for a rain date. If I’m waiting too long to initiate the practices, and you just need to get out there
ASAP, please let me know and I’ll schedule it sooner. I just wanted to wait until I could be sure
we’d have some nice weather.

I would also like to try to encourage folks to come out to the batting cages with me whenever
you’re free. There are cages in Virginia near the 7-corners shopping area that are cheap and
usually not too crowded, but if anyone knows of some closer to the District, that’d be great too.
Either way, if you want to go whack some balls around with me, give me a yell and we’ll set
something up.

For now, my dear A’s, that’s it. But soon we will have reason to rejoice and bask in the summer
sun. Until then,: a) let me know if you want to play but haven’t told me so already, b) let me
know if you can/want to make the April 20 practice, c) get yourself a jersey, and d) please come
find me with the registration fee. Thanks!

Effing A,

It's Effing 2010 Already

Hola, my Dear First Effing A’s (and potential future A’s),

A new spring is upon us. As the weather turns from dismal March-in-DC grey skies and soggy
air to the oppressive heat and just plain cruel humidity that summers in this wondrous swamp
bring, I can’t help but get excited about the upcoming softball season. I imagine that most or all
of you have missed drinking and sunbathing on the mall (and occasionally shagging a fly) as
much as I have.

Well, you’re in luck! I want to continue the proud effing tradition of our softball team early and
often this year. In order to do that, I need your help with a few things.

First – I need to know if you want to play. OK, that’s probably not relevant because I know
you all desperately want to play. But who can play? I need to know if you plan on playing
consistently for this powerhouse squad of MLB castoffs, or if you just want to show up
occasionally and fill in for spot duty. As always, cheerleaders are most welcome at all our
events and if you can’t get out to play, I would like to encourage you to come out an cheer us
on. Or maybe even give me a phone call with a little “rah rah rah” on game day and I’ll put you
on speakerphone for the whole team to hear. That’ll work too.

Next, I’m going to need some money. Specifically, from the folks who plan on playing on a
consistent basis, I’m going to ask for $20-25 from each person for the yearly registration fee for
the team (the more people that offer to contribute, the less painful it’ll be for each of you – so try
to recruit some folks). If you only plan on playing every once in a while, a donation won’t be
required but would surely be nice.

In the near future, I will also send around some information on ordering jerseys for the new
season. So if your jersey is a little old, or worn, or you just shrunk it in the wash, you’ll have
a chance to get some dapper new duds for a nominal fee. I’m thinking we’ll try to do the same
thing with beer that I rather unsuccessfully tried last season (I guess this town is rubbing off on
me) – we’ll shoot to have someone different supply every week. I’ll send around that signup
sheet after we have a better sense of our team.

Last thing I need – for folks who know the email address or other contact information of some of
our teammates who are no longer here, could you please forward this to them and/or have them
get in touch with me about the season?

Please get back to me asap to let me know if you want to play, so I can get us registered and
whatnot. If I don’t hear from you, I will roam the office looking for answers from at least
the (hopefully) returning players. I’m not above that.

So my A’s and maybe A’s, the time has come for us to realize the potential that the 2009 season
brought and go out there and win the Congressional Softball League Championship!

OK, maybe that’s shooting a little high. I’ll consider this season a good one if we just beat up on

the AllVols and bass.

Effing A,

Skip