The Republicans Finally Didn't Win Something!

Hey A’s and A Lovers,

Isn’t that nice to hear?  Last night, in the shadow of the Great White Obelisk, the underdog First Fucking Amendments of the ACLU took on their most formidable foe of the season, the mighty RNC.  As a tense nation watched on, a slugfest rivaled by only the Rumble in the Jungle ensued on the east half of the Ellipse.

The Republicans threw the first punch in the epic battle, scoring 4 runs to start the game.  But the A’s weren’t going down without putting up the fight Democrats are apparently afraid to.  The Hoff sparked a huge run in the bottom half of the first, aided by a triple from Bossman Sanderson and a towering home run from Will “The Hammah!” Horowitz.  After batting through our entire lineup, the A’s had plated 8 runs, and held a firm lead over the Foxnews audience heading into the second.  We exchanged some quick jabs back and forth, each team scoring 2 runs in the second to keep the lead the same.  Then it started to look a little ugly.

With some remarkably precise hits, the Republicans busted the game wide open with some powerful blows and scored 14 runs on the A’s defense over the next two innings.  They were looking a little something like this:

while the A’s hopes for a progressive win seemed to evaporate

.  

We gained only three runs over these two innings, including scores by Co-MVPs Mr. PickyPants and FoE President Erich Pica, recently activated after spending the season on the DL. After relinquishing 3 more runs to the likes of these guys

 , , and  (yes, he really is a Republican representative from NJ.), but not without the play of the season from MVP K-Dawg Roth, who snagged a laser of a line drive and then spiked the ball so hard she dented the lawn, it looked like the A’s glorious 2011 season was going to come to a depressing conclusion.  We were down 23-13.

Like Rocky in his last fight against Ivan Drago, the A’s just started swinging.  And boy did we ever connect.  Losing daylight rapidly, the A’s had to hurry up and score because the Republicans cut the field lights out of the budget.  We got back to what’s been our bread and butter all season; the small ball game.  8 of the first 9 batters got hits and scored as tourists ran screaming in every direction, fleeing for cover from the onslaught of the A’s offensive prowess. We steadily rotated our entire roster around the bases - clutch hitting and aggressive baserunning helped sustain our drive until we were down 23-22, with the bases loaded and one out.  

 

We had the Republicans on the ropes as Erich Pica stepped up to the plate, gazed off into the dark night sky, and crushed a liner to right center field.  Unfortunately, due to the rules of the game, the A’s were awarded only one run on a hit that could have easily scored 12, and the inning was called due to the 10-run mercy rule.  At that point, it was too dark to continue playing, so we reached across the aisle and compromised on a 23-23 tie.  But I kid you not when I say that that last inning may have been the most exciting 20 minutes of A’s softball ever.

So now, there’s happy hour!  Whooo!  Let’s all go out and drink to celebrate our efforts and triumphs this season.  It sounded like folks are generally available the Tuesday after next (September 13), so please try to hold that evening free.  If anyone’s got suggestions on a place to go, please let me know.  Post Pub is great and all, and the servers are always super nice, but I’m open to going anywhere. Also, I’ve got a lot of money left over from the registration/team fees and such, which I’m putting towards the bill, so you really should come out, even if you haven’t played.

This is normally where I’d tell you all about next week’s game and plead futilely for you to let me know you’re playing.  But we’ve got no scheduled games left.  I mentioned before about picking up some more games, so if you’re interested in continuing our season, please try to keep your Tuesdays and Wednesdays open, and be prepared to play on short notice on those nights.  If I get requests for opponents from other teams, I’ll try to pull our squad together for one last hurrah.

So thank you everyone for a fun, wonderful, and competitive season.  I never quite know what to say once the summer is over and the equipment is packed away for the winter, so hopefully some nice sentimental words will come to me in the next few weeks before our happy hour.  But just thank you.  You all made this season spectacular, and even though we didn’t quite get the perfect record we were after, I loved every second of being out there and I can’t wait until next May rolls around (when I can actually play again).

Fucking A.

Tomorrow's Epic Clash

Hi A’s and Quasi-A’s!

I just wanted to send a quick reminder that your beloved First Effing Amendments, those steadfast guardians of free speech, civil liberties, and the right to drink cheap beer on Obama’s lawn, are set to face off tomorrow night against the reviled RNC ummmm RNC.  Really, that’s their team name.  Here’s a preview of our opponents:

And their game plan:

So please come out to support your team.  Bring whatever ACLU swag you can get your hands on, and get ready for the game of the century.  We’ll be playing around 6:30pm, hopefully on the same field we’ve been at all year, our practice bubble (here on Google maps: ) As always, please text or call me if you have trouble finding the field, and I’ll get you there.  I hope to see everyone out tomorrow.

Effing A,

Skip

Earth-Shaking Destruction!

Good Morning A's,
Nice to see the world's still standing today.  Not to be outdone by Mother Nature, the First Effing Amendments brought the boom last night to thoroughly trounce Chico's Bail Bonds.  We looked a little something like this:
 
flying in with a devastating leg drop to crush the bondsmen in an 18-6 victory.
Featuring a lineup that was decimated and disoriented by the tremors, the Chicos struggled early and often against an overwhelming force known as the First Effing Amendments.  We started off with our traditional brand of small ball; 11 of our first 12 hits, which came in the first 2 frames, were singles.  2nd MVP/former traitor "Killer" Kelly Trout was the first to wield a big stick for us, with a double that drove in 2 runs in the second.  Our D was as devastating as the 89 quake in San Francisco, as Pattycakes Patterson dove hither and yon shagging flies, and MVP Sandy "the Fulton of Swat" flashed some serious leather in holding down second base.  Only in the third inning were the bondsmen able to poke some holes in the D, as they scored all 6 of their runs.

But the A's weren't about to let the game run its usual course.  We immediately turned around with a tremendous inning, led off by Red Five and "JD" Drew.  11 singles helped us produce 7 runs to take a commanding lead at 15-6.  Then the aftershocks of our initial assault began as the D clamped down once again behind K-Dawg's dominant pitching performance.  Only allowing a few sporadic hits through the remaining innings, the A's scored one in the top of the 5th as the daylight was quickly fading.  With another 1-2-3 inning, Emily Wertz led off with her third hit of the night, raising her average to .750 on the day.  Bossman Sanderson promptly followed with a thunderous bomb to center field.  The Chicos and Chicas had had enough, and the A's had our first walk-off home run of the season.

So we now stand at 5-10 on the season, ranked pretty darn close to the bottom of the CSL.  But we still have one game, one more shot at glory, before our 2011 season rides off into the sunset.  Next week, we take on lovely folks of the RNC.  We'll play at 6:30pm (hopefully), probably at the same field we've been at all season (here on Google maps: 38.892695,-77.035028).  Please come out to join in the fun, even if you don't want to play.  This is the last game of the season for both us and the RNC, so it's sure to be a slugfest of epic proportions.  In short, it'll be the best night of your life.  I guarantee it.  If you haven't made a game all season, this is the one you should be at, cheering on your beloved First Effing Amendments.  Please let me know if you plan on playing.

Also, there's a chance some teams will still be looking to play beyond next week.  If folks are interested in continuing the too-short season, please try to keep your Tuesdays (and maybe even Wednesdays) open for the next few weeks, and I can try to schedule us against teams that lose their opponents and need a last-minute rescheduling.  For the most part, you wouldn't have much more than a few hours' notice for the games.  But if you're interested, let me know.

PS: after joking about the Monument's potential collapse, it turns out we were a lot closer to realizing that than we thought <http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/23/earthquake-puts-crack-in-washington-monument_n_934833.html> .

Game Tomorrow

Hey A’s,

I hope you all had an excellent bye week to heal up those nagging injuries.  We are set to take on Chico’s Bail Bonds tomorrow, for the second-to-last game of our 2011 season.  Though we appear to be out of the running for the wild card spot, I would love to send this season out on a high note with 2 victories to cap off what’s been a thrilling year that went by wayyy too fast.  So please come out tomorrow to help us trounce these bondsmen.

I would greatly appreciate if someone could volunteer to help scout a field – please let me know if you’d be available before 5pm to head down to the mall to try to stake us a claim.  Otherwise, I’ll be leaving at 5 and do my best to get us our practice bubble (the spot on the Ellipse where we’ve been pretty much all season).  Game time will be 6:30pm, and as soon as we have a field, I’ll let you all know where it is.  Please let me know if you plan on playing tomorrow.  Thanks!

Effing A,

Mike

Lost By the Skin of Our Teeth!

Howdy A’s,

Wow – what a game last night!  The battle-weary A’s greeted a strong contingent of fans on our practice bubble as Barry flew in to catch the beginning of the contest between his favorite squad and the puny Overdrafts, of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.  Unfortunately for your A's, the drafts were able to actually protect something for the first time in their history, as they utilized our loaner players to eke out an 11-10 victory.

In one of the most pleasant afternoons we’ve had for a game in some time, a populous A’s squad took the field looking to salvage what was once our most promising season ever, but were dissected before the game even started as the Overdrafts apparently underdrafted and needed some extra bodies in the field, which they deceptively stole from us.  Or at least that’s how I want to remember it.  Anyhoo, we started off strong as K-Dawg allowed one hit through the first 2 innings.  On offense, PickyPants and Charlie Hustle got things going early, as they were each driven in by Matt Pinder’s longest-single-ever.  We left the bases juiced, a failure that would come back to bite us later in the game.

A back-and-forth battle broke out over the middle frames as the A’s surrendered our customary 8 runs in one inning to allow the Drafts to pull far ahead of us.  As usual, we then had to work to dig ourselves out of a hole for the rest of the match, as we did in piecemeal fashion.  Despite our one breakdown inning, the A’s had some tremendously bright spots on defense, highlighted by MVP Chris “Willie Mays Hayes” Rickerd’s play in left field.  AAA prospects Lauren and Drew chipped in, each with a single and a run scored in the 6^th as we battled our way back to face a deficit of only 3 runs heading into the final frame. 

As twilight slowly seeped in, blanketing our idyllic meadow of a battlefield, the A’s D turned in a spectacular top of the 7^th, holding the drafts scoreless.  Cailtin and Red Five immediately got things moving on offense, as we turned in a small ball performance for the ages.  Five singles in 6 at-bats led to plenty of baserunners, and after 2^nd MVP Fulton drove a liner to center field, we were down 1 with 2 outs.  Drew hit a scorcher that looked sure to find a gap on the third base line, but as the ball brushed its first blade of grass the Drafts’ third baseman made a miraculous diving catch, and the A’s epic comeback was thwarted.  But it was a fantastic game all around, and I am very proud of everyone’s performance.

So we now unfortunately sit at 4-8 on the season, with only 3 games remaining.  Though we can’t hit .500, we can sure as hell get close, so I expect to see everyone out over the next few weeks as we play for pride, if not for glory.  We’ve got games the next 3 Tuesdays, starting next week as we face the Gold Standards of the Treasury Department.  Game time will be 6:30pm, likely on the same field.  Please let me know if you can make it.  Also, if anyone could help in field scouting (if you’re able to leave before 5pm), that would be immensely helpful as we are losing our scouts this week because they’ve decided to leave me and break my heart.

Effing A,

Skip

The End is Nigh!

Hi A's and friends of A's!

As the summer of 2011 has rolled smoothly from one absurd heat wave to the next, the First Effing Amendments, the intrepid and formidable softball team of your favorite defenders of civil liberties, has vanquished opponents near and far, democrat and republican alike.  While we've had a wonderful time so far, we don't want to keep all this fun to ourselves, so I would like to invite all of you to come out and join in the fabulously good times we'll have for our remaining 4 games.  We've got a match every Tuesday night from now through August 30 (inclusive).  We play at 6:30pm, usually right on the Ellipse on the south side of the White House, and we've always got plenty of extra beers (and a spot in the lineup if you're so inclined). So really, you've got no excuse to be missing out on the fun.  Please consider coming out to support the First Effing Amendments as we trounce through the rest of our schedule.  If you're still on the fence and need some more convincing on any given Tuesday, or if you want to come out but aren't entirely sure where to find us, feel free to give me a call and I'll help you get there.

 

And for the regulars (and not-so-regulars) on this email - if you want to play tomorrow, please email me.  We're a little short on numbers as of right now so I really need a few more confirmations.  And if you've never played before but are toying with the idea now after I just let you know how crazy awesome softball is, you should definitely come out and play, and let me know that you're doing so.

 Thanks!

 

Effing A,

Skip

A Big Sloppy Mess

Hey A’s,

We would have had it last night.  After an afternoon filled with portentous cloud cover but only sporadic rain, the A’s felt confident enough to take the field against Pitch Slap! at our temporary home field on the Ellipse.  Though the grass was wet, the sky was dry so we decided to go ahead with the game.  Since the Slappers showed up late, we had plenty of time to get in some BP before the contest, and with everyone warmed up we entered the game confident and started out very strong.

Staunch defensive play through the first few innings helped support K-Dawg’s furious pitching display, which held us close even though we, as always, struggled to put runs up early.  In the third inning, the Pitches got some clutch hitting to really open the game up and the score sat at 7-0 heading into the bottom half.  The A’s got serious and immediately scored 3 runs to almost cut the lead in half, as Charlie Hustle and the Hammer found a few holes in the defense.

But then the rain started, and everything began to go downhill.  It was only a light rain at first, not enough to stop the defensive prowess or offensive barrage of these A’s.  We trimmed the deficit better than any Congressman could do in the fourth, as both Charlie Hustle and Emily Wertz scored their second runs of the game.  By the top of the 5^th however, the incessant rain storm had intensified and the A’s began to get a bit waterlogged.  But still our D held strong and we went into the bottom half of the inning down 9-6.  Skip then stepped up to the plate to lead off what would have been our game-winning rally.  With a mighty swing of the bat, but absolutely no traction on the mud, I blew out my knee and put myself on the DL for the rest of the season.  So yeah good times.  Good times.

At that point, everyone packed it in and the game ended.  The rain had spoiled the fun, and the soggy A’s swam home after a defeat that should not have come to pass.  So I personally apologize for ending our late-season winning streak before it even began.  I didn’t even get a chance to announce last night’s MVP at the game, which was Killer Kelly Trout, who drove in 3 runs on two incredibly clutch hits (and one fielder’s choice).  I’ll have your beer for you next week.

So we’re now down another player for the last few games of the season, and I would really appreciate if you all could expressly confirm to me, via email, the weeks you’re able to play from here on out, since we’ve been pretty low on numbers recently anyway.   Also, I still need some beer sponsors for the last few games, so if you have not yet purchased beers for one of our games, please consider doing so.  Our next game is Tuesday of next week, as we take on The Overdrafts, of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.  I hear Elizabeth Warren is their ringer, so we should be in good shape.  We’ll probably be at the same place, same time.  Let me know if you can make it.

Effing A,

Skip