If Only They Had Actually Been Injured.

Howdy, A’s,

Going forward, I’m going to do a better job screening our potential opponents.  For example, a fairly innocuous question such as “Are you guys a professional softball team?” might have spared us last night’s drubbing.  But at least we got to send Mike off in our own inimitable A’s fashion.  Injured Reserves >16, A’s 2.  (Note: I am again winging this sans scorebook).

Hats off to Brian Patterson, who hits well all game and scored half of our runs.  And a very fond farewell to Mike, who is taking his talents to Boston, where he’ll spend the next several months waiting for his knees to stop hurting. 

Okay, recap time.  For those of you who weren’t there, it’ll be helpful to understand who we played.  Imagine that there’s some laboratory somewhere that churns out clones of nine-time Pro Bowl safety John Lynch, and then trains those clones to play softball until they turn 26, and then registers them in the Congressional Softball League.  That’s the Injured Reserves, who I’m guessing have never been injured, ever.  The SOBs hit a series of uncatchable line drives and plate five runs before we can record an out, and log a total of 13 by the bottom of the third.  Wild Wild Wes, whose ERA is definitely in the tank now, started to strategically throw the ball the one place they couldn’t hit it—behind them.  Meanwhile, we learn that making solid contact doesn’t pay, as their defense Hoovers up pretty much everything we hit.  That’s innings 1-3.

The rest of the game proceeds more humanely.  We play solid D and hold them to a few more runs, we score a couple of our own—one of which is Mike’s final RBI of the season (but hopefully not as an A), a sac fly that drove in Pattycakes—and got some solid contributions from Robyn, Sandy and newcomer Andrew.  A special shout-out is also in order to MattMuffin, who did an admirable job holding down first base.  Honestly, A’s, if we play our next three games as well as we played last night, we could win all three of them.  No, seriously.  The Best Performance In A Blowout Award goes to us for last night’s game.

Speaking of next games, we’ve got one on Tuesday.  Same bat time, same bat channel.  We won’t be playing the Sons of Pitches, though, as they’ve been decommissioned, as well (it’s going around, I guess).  Instead, I’ll try to set up a game with The Society for Trifocal Wearers or The National Peglegged Persons Association.  Stay tuned.  Until then,

Effing A, Alex

They Drank Our Milkshake.

Well, A’s,

At least consistency is a virtue.  A little bit of bad luck turned another hard-fought game into another entry in the L column.  Oil Barons 17, A’s 9.

Hats off to MVP Pickypants and really-probably-should-have-been-co-MVP Pat Frey, who both had great days at the plate.

[Disclaimer: I don’t have the memory-jogging benefit of the scorebook this morning, so the rundown may contain factual errors and/or glaring omissions.]  As per usual, our opponents jumped out to a 4-run lead on the strength of an unforeseeably monster jack from their left-fielder, but we wasted no time evening things up with a good first inning that saw three runs plated by the colossal knock of our own Mike “I’m Shipping Up to Boston” Tartaglia (in related news: Mike, I hope you’re ready to get sick of that song).  But the first inning came at a cost—Scott’s ass.  While chasing down an overthrow, Sanderson’s seat hit the pavement and the pavement won, sidelining the clumsy veteran with what team doctors described as a “gluteal contusion”.  Note that this does not stop Scott from singling in the second.  We close the gap a bit with some clutch hitting, including a triple from Frey, but the jerks score four more in the third, and we remain behind.

Late in the game, our aggressive baserunning showed itself to be a double-edged sword.  Little Babe Ruth motored around the paths to score, but our rally died when the Oil Baron throw reached the plate before the sliding Wertz (also, PSA—don’t leave your bat in front of the plate), who in her mercy chose not to go all Pete Rose on the guy, although I sort of suspect The Wertz deep down in her core totally wanted to.  Defensive shout-outs are in order for Jennifer Wunderkind for her quick reflexes at second and Kathleen for making a couple of good throws from the hot corner (note for non-baseball nerds: “hot corner” = third base).  To summarize the last few innings: they score a couple more (bastards!), we hit a bunch of line drives right into their gloves, and then we shook hands.

We’re right back on the horse on Thursday against Nicky’s Knockers (my guess: Jehovah’s Witnesses).  6:30 in one of the usual spots.  Please sponsor the beverages if you haven’t already.  Let me know if you plan on playing.

Effing A,

Alex 

A Disastrous Affair

Happy Thursday kids,

Apparently incapable of recovering from a game in just one day’s time, a battle-weary A’s squad took the field in the shadow of the great white obelisk on a beautiful DC summer evening against the Masters of Disaster, who apparently are neither A) from FEMA nor B) Disastrous in any sense of the word.

A small and mostly veteran squad manned the diamond last night, starting off in a rather dismal, if expected manner.  Once again the home squad, we relinquished 13 runs in a mere 2 innings to the Masters; meanwhile, our only offensive production came from the bat of Alex “Ander the Great” Stamm who hit the first of his two quadruple-baggers of the day to drive in two runs in the first.  In the third, wily veteran K-Dawg “My pitch is worse than my bite” Roth came on in relief of Mr. Prohibition, who continued his hitting streak from the day before to end his A’s career in style, and the defense gelled around its new pitcher.  We allowed just 6 runs over the next four frames (including two scoreless), which perfectly positioned our offense to help navigate our way back into the game.

Unfortunately, the offense missed its cue, only generating one run on a sac fly by E-Dub Wertz, who despite going hitless on the day continued her power surge at the plate.  But she was only one of the women who stood out on the day; Hil Dog broke out in her third start with two hits and two runs scored and K-Diz chipped in with two hits and a run scored of her own.  By the time the sixth inning rolled around, we were in far too deep a hole to climb out of, but these A’s wanted to save some face and really started to put things together at the end of the game.  The first three batters in the 6^th all got singles and were driven in on our second grand salami of the year, the first of back-to-back homers by MVP Skip and cleanup man Stamm.  We got two more runners on before faltering and leaving them stranded, but that put our lineup right back into the same position for the seventh.  After another strong defensive performance to keep the score roughly the same, the Masters got two quick outs in the bottom of the final frame before Will Abbott and Hil Dog punched through singles to give us two baserunners.  My second homer of the day brought in three more runs, but our flame of hope was extinguished shortly thereafter, and the A’s fell to the Masters of Disaster by a final tally of 21-11.

It’s hard to point to any one thing, or even combination of things, that have befuddled us so far this season, leading to our monumental struggles.  It’s really just a combination of little things that add up over the course of a game that cause us to continue to stumble.  So for the remaining 5 or so games of the season, I’d like us to focus on just playing sound baseball.  Let’s keep our focus on defense, where we have played well overall but tend to get erratic like an overexcited puppy before making boneheaded miscues (I of all people am most to blame for those. Sorry.).  Let’s work on becoming more consistent at the plate, being patient with pitches and hustling out every potential hit, because you never know when our opponent’s D will make a mistake.  But most importantly, let’s continue to have the fun we’ve been having, because I don’t know of any other team with a record below .250 that’s been so damn enjoyable to play with.

We’ve got two games next week, which gives us the chance to salvage some bit of dignity from the season.  On Tuesday we face off against the Oil Barons, and Thursday we take on Nicky’s Knockers; both games will commence at 6:30 on the mall.  We’ll likely play on the Ellipse or right next to the monument; more details will follow.  If you haven’t yet sponsored beer for the season, now would be an excellent time to do so since we’re really winding down.  

That’s it for now A’s.  Go rest up this weekend and get ready to kick some effing A next week.

Effing A, Skip

Seeing Stars

Hey A’s,

Thankfully the rain held off long enough for us to get a game in last night, but unfortunately our luck still had not improved from previous weeks and the A’s fell to Nellie’s Ale Stars in a thriller, by a final score of 16-12.

Skip (near) and Hoff (far), rounding the bases

Playing from the rare position of being the visiting team, we busted out of our usual mold right from the get-go, as MVP runner-up The Hoff and LBR (who, I neglected to mention last night, batted 1.000 on the day for the second time this season!) both got on base to start the game. A few clutch base knocks followed, and all of a sudden the A’s had one of their biggest leads of the month of July, quickly going up 4-0 in the top of the first. Yet again we fell victim to an early strong start from our opponents, and they reclaimed the lead in the bottom of the first with a powerful 7 run performance, then extended it in the next frame with four more. But we held right even with them, with lefties Gluten Free and MVP Will Abbott helping the production from the middle of the lineup. Jonathan, our other runner-up to the MVP with 2 doubles, 2 ribbies, and 2 runs scored anchored the bottom half, and the A’s picked up four in the third to keep the game tight at 11-9.

Gluten Free

From there, the game evolved into a defensive battle. Mr. Prohibition came on in relief of K-Dawg to hold the Ale Stars scoreless for three straight frames; in that time, we managed three more runs to take our first late-game lead in what seemed like a decade. Heading into the 6th, our tenuous 1-run lead left us in a much more attractive position than we normally would be that many beers deep, one that it turned out we couldn’t hold. After getting a quick two outs to start on defense, it looked like we’d hold firm but a bloop single started a two-out rally for the Stars, who quickly put up 5 more runs on us in the 6th to wrestle back the lead. Our bats fell silent once again in the 7th – we couldn’t produce any more and when the dust had settled, we lost by a mere four runs.

But there’s no time to get down on ourselves over our 1,985,638th close loss of 2012 – we play again tonight! We’re taking on FEMA’s Masters of Disaster at 6:30. Come join the fun! If you’d like to sponsor beer, I will be forever indebted to you*. Please let me know if you plan on playing and helping us bust out of this slide.

* (but I’m moving soon so get me before I skip town!)

Effing A,
Mike