Nuked!

Hey A’s,

I was so heartbroken over our loss on Tuesday that I couldn’t bring myself to write about it yesterday.  On the precipice of turning around our season, the formerly triumphant A’s (I swear we once were) fell to the mighty Non-Pros, of the Dept. of Energy’s Nuclear Non-Proliferation section in a 15-2 rout.

On an otherwise glorious afternoon, we took to the field on Barry and Shelly’s south lawn seeking redemption from our recent losing streak, but it was not to be.  On our familiar field we followed a familiar pattern, giving up a quick 5 runs in the first inning to dig a hole we’d never be able to climb out of.  We actually tightened things up really well on D after that first frame, giving up just one run in each of the following 3 innings, but even at that pace we couldn’t recover.  Through the first three frames we consistently got a few players on base, only to leave them stranded as the spectacular defensive play of the tree huggers kept us at arms’ length.

Though we had power distributed throughout the lineup, we failed to produce a run until the 4^th inning, when MVP Faith Dawg earned her first hit and scored her first run of the season, taking out the frustration she had saved up from our drubbing at the hands of the Republicans (argh!).  Monumental Matt Marran and Pattycakes each rung up RBIs in that frame, but those two runs were all we’d score on the day.  We regressed back into our early-game struggles, getting a few hits here and there but never putting anything consistent together.  Even bringing in All-Star relievers K-Dawg and The Hammah! wasn’t enough to counter the warming bats of the Nukes, and they started to pull away in the later innings.

Once again though, we should try to look to the positive aspects of this game (rare as they may be) moving forward – E-Dub continued her power surge at the plate, Will Abbott showed us that lefties can indeed play infield, PickyPants maintained his pickiness as one of two A’s who hit perfectly on the day, and Hil-Dawg’s call-up from the minors paid immediate dividends as her hustle and spirit rubbed off on her fellow A’s (but not literally – that’d be creepy.).  So while we didn’t win, we can take solace in these bright spots as we look towards the toughest stretch of schedule we’ll face all season.

Over the next two weeks, we’re playing 4 games; Tuesday and Wednesday next week, Tuesday and Thursday the week after (Taking on Nellie’s Ale Stars, The Masters of Disaster (FEMA), The Oil Barons, and Nicky’s Knockers, in that order).  I would love nothing more than to go out in style with a 4-game win streak, so please join me on the diamond for my swan song(s).  I’ll of course send around more info about the games ahead of time, but please let me know if you plan on playing (and which game), and if you’d like to sponsor beer for any of them – I currently don’t have a volunteer for any of the games.

One final note – after being duly criticized for my poor calculation skills, I have re-tallied the slugging percentages for everyone, so go check out the new and improved stats.

See you next week!

Effing A,

skip

Crushed!

Aloha A’s,

The stifling humidity and scorching sunshine yesterday afternoon weren’t enough to beat down the ARPC Crushers, who torched the A’s in Barry’s back yard last night, 17-9.

The afternoon started out like any other below sea level at the equator.  The heat started claiming victims even before the festivities began, and only with a robust and steady rotation of substitutions were we able to play the entire 7 innings.  The old One-Two played their traditional role of spark plug for the offense, going a combined 5-6 with a run scored.  Co-MVPs Killer Kelly Trout and “Miss October”/LBR each batted 1.00 on the day and combined for two (nearly three) RBIs and another run scored.  Unfortunately, all this stellar production wasn’t enough to fend off the Crushers, who abused the gap on the right side of the infield to have two big innings that really separated them, scoring 4 in the second and 6 in the 7^th to really punch the nail into the coffin. 

The A’s also saw valuable contributions from newcomers Nina “The Pinta and the Santamaria” and “360” L.J., while Nate Dogg earned his first MVP beer for picking off a searing line drive at third base and nearly breaking PickyPants’ hand (the latter being the much more important factor in the MVP determination).  The vets got in on some good action, too – Pattycakes, Red Five, and Will Abbott all batted perfectly on the day, and three others were one hit away from doing so.  All in all, I’d say we played a really good game.  Just not quite good enough to get off the schneid. 

While the Crushers ended their losing streak with the victory, the A’s kept right on rolling with theirs.  We’re now nearing the point of no return, where we won’t be able to achieve a .500 record on the season.  Basically, we’ve got to win out in our remaining 8 games to hit that mark, so it’s time to tighten up those belts, pull up the stirrups, and tap off the cleats kids.  It’s time to get effing serious about this campaign.  I think we haven’t had enough bonding time as a team, so I’d like to go do a little more tomorrow.  We don’t have a game but that doesn’t mean we can’t drink (let’s do a happy hour at the Big Hunt)!  If anyone would like to come out to the best team building exercise possible (multiple reps of the 12-ounce lift), let me know.

Beyond that, we do have a game next Tuesday, which means we have yet another chance to right the ship.  We’ve had 6 losses by four runs or fewer, so let’s get over the hump and go take control of this game and the remainder of our 2012 season.  We’ll take on the Non-Pros, from the Dept. of Energy, Nuclear Non-Proliferation section, one of our oldest and best foes, around 6:30 on the mall.  Let me know if you’d like to take part in our glorious resurrection (that Jesus guy’s got nothing on us)!

Effing A, Mike

Stats!

Behold! Check out the full spreadsheet for per-game and individual stats. Effin' A

Snakebitten!

Morning A’s,

Yet again, your battle-hardened A’s team fell by the slimmest of margins, losing by just one single, little run to the COBRAs last night on the mall.  The beautiful weather could not help the solid core of our squad overcome the big bats of Slevin & Hart, and we dropped another way-too-close game.

Much like our game on Tuesday, the A’s traded shots with the snakes early and often.  A revamped early lineup featuring Will Abbott (who batted 1.000 on the day), Wild Wild Wes, and K to the Dizzle started by gashing the COBRAs’ D for 4 runs in the first.  That early lead was a bit too tenuous for us, so we got back into familiar territory by giving up 5 quick runs in the next frame (because the COBRAs apparently drafted A-Rod’s younger brother).  Led by the proficient pitching of Will “the Hammah!” Horowitz, a couple of defensive substitutions (most notably putting E-Dub the ball hawk in short outfield) helped us tighten things up and we held nearly steady with the COBRAs through the next few innings.  For every few runs they put across, we came right back with some of our own, and we headed into the later stages of the game down 17-11.

In the 6^th inning, we really started to cut into that lead; The Hammah! got himself on base with a clutch single, and was driven in by your good ole skip (who brought home his first-ever MVP beer (thanks, guys!)); then the top of the order came back up and K-Diz punched in Will Abbott.  All of a sudden we were down 17-14, and decided it might be a nice time to actually clamp down on D.  So we held them scoreless, and faced a mere 3-run deficit going into the final frame.  Wild Wild Wes led off and became our first baserunner.  Matt the Magnificent followed him with a blast that took another chunk out of the Washington Monument, and the A’s were down by just 1 with no outs.  But alas, lady luck was not on our side, and we could only muster one more base hit before the COBRAs finally sunk their fangs in - those two runs were all we’d get as we fell in yet another really tight battle.

So our record right now isn’t the prettiest, but it’s also far from an accurate portrayal of this squad.  Every week I continue to marvel at the effort and talent of this team, and to be honest, it’s a crying shame that we’ve lost so many close games that could have easily been turned on just one or two unlucky (for us) breaks.  We’re the most competitive losing team I’ve ever been a part of.  But I don’t want that to be our identity – I want to start putting together a winning streak that will carry us to plus-.500 glory.  So please join me and your beloved A’s next Tuesday, as we take on the ARP Crushers, at 6:30 on the mall.  If you haven’t come out this year, why not next week?  I think if we get some fresh cheerleading blood down on the field it’ll really help improve our fortunes.  Even if you don’t want to play, come drink and yell at a supposedly non-competitive sporting event with us!

Effing A, Mike

It Feels So Good to Be Back (to winning)!

Buenos Dias A’s,

HOLY COW What a game!  Squaring off against the Disablers of the Social Security Administration in our new ballpark last evening, the First Effing Amendments got their first effing taste of victory in nearly a month, in about the most epic fashion possible.

The game started off as a see-saw battle with the lumber of both the A’s and the Disablers active early and often.  With a group pared down slightly from Tuesday’s excellent turnout (and a temperature thankfully pared down from the forecast), everyone offered up some valuable contributions throughout the game.  We started strong in the first, scoring five runs on (what else) mostly singles, including Ian “Desmond” Eppler’s and “Ain’t No Stoppin’ Me” Stamm’s first of two hits a piece on the day.  The Disablers struck right back in the second, scoring a quick six runs, but Wild Wild Wes, who along with K-Dizzle batted 1.000 and scored two runs (making them our Co-Runner-Up-MVPs), kept things close when he was driven in by the bat of newcomer Erin Stock. 

Following a few more innings of back-and-forth and the requisite defensive adjustments, the A’s had kept the game close, going into the 7^th down 2 by a score of 13-11.

Unfortunately, that seventh inning didn’t start off so well for us.  By this point, the Marine Corps Brass Band had started filling the early-evening air with an intoxicating aura of patriotic melodies, and tourists began lining up in our outfield to take in the game.  The meat of the Disablers’ lineup started things off, and the defense that had held them scoreless through the past 2 frames broke down a bit.  After two quick runs, their four-run lead seemed to have put the game just out of reach.  But 2-time MVP and clutch hitter extraordinaire Wes was leading off, and did so in style with a thundering blast to deep right field.  We were down 3.  Jennifer Wunderkind punches through a single.  Mighty Matt Marran finds another hole in the defense.  Erin drops yet another single on the Disablers, and all of a sudden we’ve got the bases juiced.  An unfortunate foul out tamped our rising hopes, but then in stepped Scott “Bossman” Sanderson.  After watching pitch after poor pitch fall listlessly at his feet, the Disablers’ pitcher put a big fat meatball out over the plate – CRACCCKKK! I knew it was gone the second he hit it.  The yellow-green hue of the softball looked so lovely against the night sky as it sailed past the outstretched arms of the outfielder, and Scott got on his horse to bring home the first grand-slam walkoff in A’s history (confirmed by the Elias Sports Bureau).

It sure feels great to have won a game, but we’ve still got plenty of work to do to ensure we stay on the winning track for the remaining 12 or so games of our season.  Next week we face off against Team Dump Truck.  I bet they have great personalities.  We’ll be playing at 6:30 on the mall, hopefully right on that same field adjacent to the Monument – let me know if you’re in.

Go ice those shoulders and have a wonderful weekend, A’s.

Effing A, Mike

Rain Rain Go Away

Hey A’s,

I hope that you’ve been able to dry out a bit since yesterday; pretty much everything I own is still drenched from the downpour that cut short last night’s game against fill-in opponents the Triskellions.  And it’s a damn shame we got rained out, since the A’s looked poised to capture what would have been their fifth victory of the season; instead, having to call the game after 6 innings, we came up just short in our quest and dropped our 10^th game of the season.

On what started out as a beautiful afternoon, the A’s played up to the weather, with formidable defensive work and consistent offensive production.  A little tinkering on defense brought Killer Kelly Trout to the mound and the swift legs of the Hoff to cover right field.  The changes paid off as the A’s kept things close with the Triskellions early and then throughout the game.  The lead changed hands probably 5 or six times through the course of the night; for every run our opponents scored, the A’s managed to counter with a few of their own.  Magnificent Matt Marran had a couple of timely base knocks, and Little Babe Ruth drew one of the longest at-bats of the season (completely exhausting the opposing spin-pitcher) before scoring her second run of the year.  Nathaniel “Bacon” and “Ain’t no Stoppin’ Me” Stamm both swung the bat really well but caught some bad breaks in ball placement. 

After putting together one of the most consistent performances in A’s history, we held the lead heading into the final frame, when the skies completely opened up.  As visibility dropped as precipitously as the precipitation, the Skellions plated 4 runs to take a 13-10 lead.  In the bottom half, we promptly loaded the bases but the conditions got so terrible that we I started to lost control of the bat and whatnot (but thankfully not my right patella), and we only managed to score one of the runners, leaving 2 stranded as we scurried off the field in a monsoon, losing by a final tally of 13-11.

Effing A, Mike

We got served.

Hey A’s,

Well our Independence Day parade certainly got rained on.  Not literally, though that would have been kind of nice considering the roughly 1300% humidity on Tuesday afternoon – the A’s got shut down by the Service Nationals on the south lawn of the White House.

To say we struggled at the plate would probably be putting things a bit too mildly; other than a futile flurry of activity in the last inning, the A’s managed just 3 runs for almost the entire game.  We started out trailing 5-2 and just could not manage to make up any ground on the Service Nats.  Stout defense helped keep things relatively close, but our hits were few and far between, preventing us from gaining any momentum.  A few innings after K-Dawg came on in relief of Mr. Prohibition, our opponents had figured out her deadly screwball and started to generate the consistency we were so desperately lacking. By the time the last inning rolled around, we faced a deficit of 14 runs – we were able to cut that to ten with a small bit of a 2-out rally, but the game ended there at 17-7, and like all those hopefuls at Nathan’s who go home with nothing more than a bellyache after facing Joey Chestnut, our July 4^th celebration was ruined.

Yet again, as with every loss, there are some good things we did in this game that we should look to build upon next week.  We had three hitters all bat 1.000 on the day – Hoff, MVP Jennifer Wunderkind, and K-Dawg (the last 2 doing so for the first time this season)  We had excellent defensive play from Will Abbott out in left field, and from the platoon of K-Dizzle and Noops on second.  Many of us had one or two good hits, but we just couldn’t get a sustained offensive push.

Effing A, Mike

Tickled!

Morning A’s,

Try as we might, the A’s just can’t seem to get this winning streak started.  We looked ready to do so last night, facing off against the Freedom Ticklers and seeking revenge for last year’s blowout 19-2 loss literally in the shadow of the Washington Monument, after our habitat became the victim of reforestation (damn Park Service with your trees and fresh air and whatnot).  With the warm afternoon sun radiating out from behind the obelisk, the perfect weather for the game seemed to put the A’s in prime position to start climbing back through the ranks of the CSL.

Diverting from our usual trajectory of starting games in a huge hole, the A’s stormed out of the gate yesterday.  Four of our first 5 hitters singled and were promptly driven home by Little Babe Ruth and Will Abbott, who led the team in RBIs.  We scored four runs in the bottom of the first to take an early lead, and after a bit of a see-saw battle in which practically the entire second half of the order was driven in by Will The Hammer Horowitz’s monster blast, the A’s and Ticklers were tied after 3 innings.  A couple of key defensive adjustments, notably bringing up AAA Prospect Nasty Nate to man first base and putting Wild Wild “Ow My Clavicle!” Wes out in left field helped seal up the few leaky spots we had early.  We again battled the Ticklers to a tie – heading into the sixth inning, it was all knotted up at 9.

The Ticks pounced on a few clutch hits to quickly score two runs in the top half, but MVP Brian “Dirt Devil” Patterson decided to take control of the outfield – his miraculous diving catch to end the inning stopped the bleeding and saved the As’ hopes of a comeback.  In the bottom of the inning, Nasty Nate and Mr. Prohibition tried to spark a 2-out rally but we just couldn’t muster much offense against Spinny McSmokersteinand failed to bring home the baserunners.  Following another strong defensive outing with Pattycakes’ second web gem of the day, the A’s were still down two in the 7^th.  This time we started a bit earlier, getting two men/women on with only one out and two of our most feared offensive weapons stepping to the plate.  But alas, this was not our time, as the spinning balls were too much for our hitters, and we fell to the Ticklers by the much more respectable score of 11-9.

Effin' A, Mike.